He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
