Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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