You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
