I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
