I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
