i don't like sucking hair
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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