$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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