I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
