i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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