I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
