No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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