nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
