It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
