we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
