there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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