I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
