Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
