i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I want her autograph on my taint
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
