Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
