i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
