Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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