tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
