I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
