i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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