i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
