That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
