he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
