we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
