kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
as a side note pls kill me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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