I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
