I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
