while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
