I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
