1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
