Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
