I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
