I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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