if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
