I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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