Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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