just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
