Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Oh god it's open bar.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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