I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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