My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
