I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He shit in the fireplace
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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