It's Friday. Sex?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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