a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
