what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
