we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
