i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
