can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
