I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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