Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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