Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
