Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
